The skies I'm under
by Diamond-04
Summary: After the main events of the movie, Andy takes Gary with him in one last attempt to help him get better. Alas, recovery may be too much to handle for a King gone and forgotten. (This is an AU in which, when the Network left Earth, everything kind of went back to normal)
1. Chapter 1

"Gary?" Andy knocked on the door for the second time, and, once again, got no answer. He opened carefully, just in case Gary was still asleep, and peeked in. Empty. He stared at the tangled sheets before him, trying to figure out what exactly he was looking at.

They had gotten to his apartment about a day before, after getting back from Newton Haven. Andy reckoned that he had never seen Gary as quiet as he had been in the car drive back home. It was so unlike him, Andy couldn't help but feel uneasy. It had been a long time since the last he had felt protective of Gary King, but damn him if that wasn't exactly how he felt then. So when they arrived to London, Andy didn't wait for Gary to give directions to his place; he simply stated that they were both going to his apartment, and gave his own address. Gary didn't argue. Well, he didn't even reply, actually, but he didn't have to; he wasn't going back to whichever hole he had crawled up from, not if Andy had a say in the matter.

It was morning already when they arrived, but Andy still felt a bit drunk. After they showered, Gary sat on the kitchen table while Andy made them something to eat. He looked ridiculous on Andy's old clothes, three sizes too big for him, sitting static, staring into the wall and not saying a word. Neither of them ate much at all. Afterwards, they simply headed to bed. It was all kinds of strange seeing Gary walk into his kids' room, but he really didn't have any other beds other than his and wife's and his kids' beds, so they had to do.

It must have been evening when he woke up, but Andy didn't really look at the time. The hangover he was experiencing was so fierce he could barely stand... or sit, or lie down, or be comfortable in any position, really. It was an awful but powerful reminder of why he hadn't had a drink in sixteen years. All he really wanted was to drink a thousand water bottles and go back to bed, but he didn't; he got up to go and check on his friend.

Gary was quietly sitting on the couch, watching some telly. He didn't look as bad as before, he didn't even look as bad as Andy probably did. Granted, he was probably not as hangover as him, since he was much more used to drinking, but still it made Andy feel a bit more relaxed to see Gary looking a little better. He went to the kitchen, grabbed two huge glasses of water, sat besides Gary without a word and handed him one of the glasses. He seemed a bit confused at first, as if he didn't really know what to do with it or even why he had it in his hands. He just looked at Andy, muttering a quiet 'thanks' and took a couple of sips. After that he seemed to realize he was actually very thirsty and drank its entire contents in mere seconds. Andy did the same with his water, and they sat there in silence for a while, watching but not really watching whatever was going on on the TV for hours, until their eyes started dropping again.

Andy didn't even realize he had fallen asleep until he felt the familiar warmth of sunshine on his face. He quickly took a look around the room for Gary but he was nowhere to be found. Maybe he had gotten up and went to sleep in a bed, like a normal person, Andy thought, so he went to check the bedroom.

Now, as he stood there in his kids' empty bedroom, he couldn't help but wonder if Gary had left for good.

Saying that Gary had had a rough night was a serious understatement. True, he had managed to get some sleep when they first arrived to Andy's but after all that had happened the night before, he had been simply exhausted. And besides, if he were to be perfectly honest, he was still a wee bit drunk.

He had felt a bit like a zombie as they drove from Newton Haven back to London; his mind kept trying to process everything that had just happened, but it was hopeless, it was just too much. So he stared into the abyss, hoping that it had all been a bad dream. And then they finally got to Andy's apartment and they showered, and ate, and slept, and sobered up… And Gary began realizing just what the night before had meant, what had actually happened back there and how… and how it was all his fault. Two of his friends were dead, and it was all his fault.

So as Andy slept on the couch, Gary could only sit there, awake, feeling something crawling under his skin, an itch he couldn't exactly locate but that he knew could only come from his head, reminding him what a failure he was and how, if all his previous mistakes weren't enough, he had now turned into his friends' executioner as well. And, soon enough, he felt a thirst. The thirst. So familiar by now, he had actually been waiting for it this time. He knew he had to do something about it, and soon too, but, for the longest time, he couldn't move. Not with Andy resting his head on his shoulder. Not because he was afraid he would wake up, he could just lie; say he was going to be bathroom, to bed, whatever. Andy would go back to sleep a second after. But because he couldn't remember the last time he felt like somebody would care if he weren't there. And, funnily enough, that person was Andy, of all people.

Andy who Gary had hurt so much in the past, he had sworn never to speak with him again. And yet, there he was. Taking him to his place, feeding him, letting him sleep in his kids' room, lending him his shower, his clothes... bringing him water and lying on his shoulder. Gary could feel his heart race at the thought of letting him down again.

Of course Gary knew what Andy had in mind, bringing him here. He was a mess, not an idiot -even though he'd play the part sometimes. Andy and Gary had had themselves a little talk the night before, and no matter how drunk he was, there was no way Gary could forget a single word that was said. Andy had realized Gary had a problem about two decades before Gary himself did, but Gary could still see the heartbreak in his eyes when he saw his wrists.

And now there were both here, and soon enough Andy was going to tell Gary a bunch of stuff he already knew, stuff he had heard a thousand times before. Only this time it felt... different. It had been a while since he had actually let anyone down; it's difficult to, you know, when no one really cares. But he knew if he fucked up again, he was going to lose Andy, for good this time.

He closed his eyes and clenched his teeth. He shouldn't have been feeling this doubtful; he had had a plan before that Friday night, and he should have been sticking to it. It wasn't that complicated even: find the guys, go to Newton Haven, finish the crawl, say goodbye and then… leave. For real this time. He was not going to mess it up again. But things didn't go quite as planned; for sure his plans didn't include aliens or robots or both or whatever the fuck they were. They didn't include Oliver and Pete dying either.

Not really thinking about what he was doing or why, Gary looked down at his arms and lifted his sleeves; the bandages he hadn't bothered to change now just rags, the still red scars peeking underneath. He felt his stomach turn at the sight. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, why was he feeling this way now? He bit his lower lip. 'It isn't that hard, Gary.' he told himself. 'Find the guys, go to Newton Haven, finish the crawl, say goodbye and then do it, just do it, do it!'

At that exact same moment it seemed Andy decided it was the perfect time to let out a single, monumentally loud snore. Gary jumped so high on his seat, Andy's head slid from his shoulder and, still asleep, he turned it to face the other side, leaving Gary completely free. He stared at Andy for a bit, and when he convinced himself he was still sleeping, he got up. He wasn't sure just what exactly he was planning to do next, but he decided he'd figure it out as he went.


	2. Chapter 2

The noise of the flat door suddenly bursting open startled Andy to no end. He remained very quiet for a second, and simply listened. It took him no time to recognize the sound of the steps that followed. He wanted to feel relieved to have Gary back before he could even begin to worry about him, he really did, but he knew it was probably too much to ask. He was certain Gary had no business going outside anyway, and in the middle of the night of all times. Andy could undoubtedly put two and two together, and knowing Gary, he knew this could only spell trouble. So he let out a sigh, took a deep breath and headed outside the room to face his friend.

"Oh, hey mate!"

He was greeted so cheerfully by Gary, for a moment he forgot how down he had looked only hours earlier. But of course, if his instinct hadn't been enough to convince him of what was going on, the stench of alcohol certainly did. "Where have you been, Gary? You were out all night."

Gary snickered as he walked past Andy. "What? I didn't realize we were married now, sorry." He turned to face Andy as he walked, raising his eyebrows and dedicating him a sarcastic 'apologetic' face, before turning back and heading for the bedroom.

"Gary, wherever do you think you are going? I'm talking to you." Andy put a hand on Gary's shoulder, which he swiftly slapped off.

"Hey! Lay off, man!"

But Andy didn't mind, he had managed to stop Gary from walking away from him, which was all he had intended, and had him now staring at him defiantly.

"I was out, all right?" Gary shrugged and suddenly an innocent smile appeared on his face. He smiled as if he hadn't looked like he could murder Andy with his bare hands just a second before. "You said so yourself, mate. I was just out, chill."

Andy sighed before speaking again. "Gary, don't do this."

"Do what?"

"This. Pretending nothing is wrong. Pretending Friday night didn't happen. Pretending that you can just walk in here drunk out of your mind and everything will be all right." He could see Gary dramatically rolling his eyes at him, but he didn't stop. "Pretending you don't know why I brought you here." He stopped himself for a second and shook his head. "You do know why I brought you here, don't you Gary?"

There was a moment of silence where Andy could literally see the colour draining from Gary's face. A second after that expression of despair was gone and it was replaced by one of sheer anger.

"I don't! I don't know what you're talking about, and I don't know what you want for me, but what I do know is that I've been out all night, as you've kindly pointed out, so now I'm going to bed."

He tried slithering off again, but Andy was quicker. He practically jumped between him and the bedroom door, so that when he tried to walk away, he just bumped into him. Andy didn't wait for him to react to what had just happened, he just crossed his arms, covered the door with his body the best he could, and continued talking. "Well, in that case I'm gonna tell you: I brought you here to help you, Gary. Or to try to, at least."

As he spoke Gary had decided that he probably wouldn't be able to get past Andy and, realizing they were most definitely going to have this talk and they were going to have it right now, he began walking up and down the room like a caged animal.

"I brought you here because I don't want to lose you again, all right?"

Gary wouldn't even look at him; he just kept pacing, muttering, swearing under his breath.

"I brought you here because I still care about you and I know that you are in pain, Gary. Let me help you, please."

Suddenly, Gary stopped in his tracks and faced Andy again. "Where are my clothes?"

"What?"

Gary didn't reply, he just dashed to the next room, and the next, and the next, raiding them as he went, looking for the clothes that he had given Andy for washing. When he realized they were nowhere to be found, he asked Andy again. "Where are they? I need them, I'm leaving."

Andy, who had been following him close by, answered in the most relaxed voice he could manage. "They are still damp on the line. And no, you are not going anywhere."

"Just watch me." Gary tried to get past Andy again, but he stepped in the way.

"You are going to have to get through me first, and I swear to God, Gary, I'm going to put up a fight this time." Once more, Gary looked terrified.

Gary's choices were getting very slim, very fast. Obviously brute strength wasn't his forte, especially against Andy, so that wasn't really an option. Still, he wasn't going to give up without a fight either. He raised his hands in surrender and dedicated Andy what he hoped would look like an amused smile.

"Mate, you're… you're blowing this way out of proportion."

Andy's expression didn't change one bit. "Am I?" He took one swift look at Gary's bandages, peaking under his sleeves. Fuck. Gary quickly lowered his hands, still trying to look unaffected, to maintain his façade. He tried to speak, but Andy wouldn't let him even begin.

"You owe me this conversation, Gary, you owe me from last time, remember? I do, clearly enough for the both of us. I was lying in a bed back then. And I begged of you, I begged of you Gary, to get help. I was ready to forgive you if you did. But you wouldn't listen." Gary literally flinched at Andy's words, but he didn't stop. "And look what good that has done you. You show up sixteen years later, pretending everything's all right when underneath your clothes your wrists are slit in half. What am I supposed to do, Gary? Just let you walk out this door knowing…" Suddenly he stopped himself, his breathing all that could be heard for a couple of seconds, and when he began talking again, his voice was but a whisper. "Knowing that this is the last time I'll ever see you?"

Gary just stood there wordless, trying to blink away the tears that were threatening to spill any second now. How many times had Andy rehearsed this conversation in his head in the last sixteen years? It seemed like he had chosen every word in every sentence specially to hit Gary right where it hurt.

So he was going to let Andy down once more, then. He hoped he wouldn't have to, he hoped things could have gone differently. Finally, he looked down and shook his head, no longer trying to hold back the tears.

"I can't… I can't do it Andy, I just can't."

"How can you know that? How can you know that if you've never tried?" Andy's voice sounded desperate.

"I have tried! I was there…"

Andy cut him mid sentence. "Yeah, for like a week, at most. Do you expect me to believe they just let you out with your arms still in bandages like that? You're still wearing the bloody wristband, for God sakes!"

Gary simply dropped any attempt at lying anymore. It was Andy in front of him, and he knew.

"Mate, please, please, I promise I won't try to do it again, I won't, just…" As he spoke, he could feel his heart racing, as if it was trying to escape from his chest. 'Please' he thought, but he couldn't say, 'please, don't take this away, please, please, it's all I have'.

Andy sighed and grabbed Gary's shoulders "I know it's hard, mate, I know." He drew his friend closer to himself expecting some resistance, but instead Gary went in for the hug so fast it kind of took Andy by surprise. Suddenly they were holding onto each other for dear life, and all that could be heard for a while were Gary's muffled sobs. Andy was just letting the tears stream down his face, trying to keep his voice composed. "It's all right, mate. It's all right, I've got you."


	3. Chapter 3

Andy parked the car outside the building and turned to look at Gary, dedicating him a little smile. Gary had been a bit fidgety during the car ride, but for the most part he seemed all right. Well, he hadn't tried to jump out of the moving vehicle, and that was more than Andy had expected, if he were to be perfectly honest.

"All right," he said as he took off his seatbelt "we're here."

Gary glanced at the place with a disgusted look on his face. "It looks awful." He shook his head and crossed his arms over his chest. "I don't wanna go here, take me somewhere else." He turned his head in the opposite direction.

"We chose this place together, remember? It's the best there is. Now come on, they are expecting you." He wasn't going to waste his time arguing with Gary, not today, so he didn't wait for him to reply; he simply got out of the car and walked over to his door. When he tried to open it, however, he found some resistance. "Gary" he began "let go of the door, please."

"I'm not doing anything, it must be broken." He said as he clearly pulled the door in with both hands. "Maybe you should take the car to a shop or something. Right now sounds good, I'll go with you."

"Gary, for God's sake." Andy gave the door one big pull and the door opened, Gary still hanging from the handle.

"You fixed it!"

"Grab your bags, Gary."

With a sigh, Gary let go of the door and got out of the car. "Fine." He took his bags from the back sit and went back to looking at the building with a concerned expression.

"Come on." Andy laid a hand on Gary's shoulder and began walking him there, but a couple of steps later he just stopped. "Gary? What is it?"

Gary made a sound that could have been a word, but Andy couldn't be sure. "I… I changed my mind, I can't go in there."

"Gary..."

"No, but really, I can't! I just remembered I have this thing, I can't miss it, super important stuff you know? Why are you looking at me like that? I promise you, it's true!"

"Gary, come on."

"I'm serious! Come on, would I lie to you? Actually, don't answer that. Please, Andy, I can just do this from home, all right? I don't need this place." He made a dismissive gesture towards the rehab center and laughed nervously.

"You do, Gary." Andy crossed his arms. "You'll need doctors, and meds, and counseling and a bunch of other stuff you won't have at the apartment. But you know all this. So quit dragging this out and get in there."

Andy began heading for the door again, but Gary stopped him "All right, wait, wait, wait…" When Andy stopped and looked at him, Gary bit his lower lip and looked down. "Fine, you… you're right. I'm just…" he looked back at Andy and shrugged. "A bit... nervous, that's all." He dedicated Andy a sad little smile and looked down again.

Andy was quiet for a second, not really knowing what to say. "Ok. Ok, that's understandable. Let's just do one thing at the time, yeah? Let's just walk to the door right now."

Gary hesitated, but then nodded and started walking with Andy towards the door. "What happens when we get to the door?"

"We go in." They kept walking.

"And then?"

Andy was getting a little frustrated. "You… check yourself in, Gary."

"Fuck."

"What did you think was gonna happen?"

"I don't know! I thought that maybe you'd see my commitment and we could just forget about all this and go for drin… ice cream." He quickly gave Andy an apologetic smile.

Andy didn't reply. As they arrived to the door, he opened it for Gary. He still looked as if he were in agonizing pain, but he walked in without a word. Andy felt a wave of relief wash over him.

As they headed to the reception, the woman at the desk looked up. "Yes, can I help you?" Gary looked ready to burst out running at full speed. He looked over at Andy who smiled and nodded. Gary licked his lips and turned back to face the receptionist. "I'm... checking myself in."

The lady smiled "Gary, is it?" He nodded. "Great, we've been waiting for you. Welcome." She handed him some forms. "I'll just need you to fill these real quick." She gave him a pen and gestured to the chairs on their right. They sat and he started writing.

"'Regularly used substances'" He read out loud. "Man, that could take a while." He laughed and turned to Andy, who looked all but amused. "Oh, come on it's…" His smile faded. "So we are not making these jokes yet? All right then."

He finished soon enough, and handed them back to the woman at the desk. She read them over. "Perfect. We have a doctor waiting for you in the office to give you an exam." She stood and pointed to a hallway behind her "Let me take you there."

Gary went very white all of the sudden. "In there?" She nodded. "Like back there? That office all the way in?" She just nodded again. Gary looked ready to hurl.

"It's all right, mate" Andy put a hand on his shoulder. "Go on. I won't leave until you get in." Gary didn't seem to find any relief in that. "And I'll be back before you notice, as soon as it's visits day."

Gary swallowed hard. "Yeah. Yeah, all right." He walked over to the receptionist, who suddenly looked very small standing besides him.

"You'll be fine, sweetheart." She put a hand on his back and started leading him to the doctor's office. Every few steps he turned back to look at Andy, who suddenly felt very sick to his stomach watching him leave. He still tried to look composed and smiled, waving his hand. Gary raised his hand and tried to smile too, and next thing he knew, he disappeared behind the door. Andy stood there for a minute, staring at the closed door and feeling as if he was going to fall over any second now. When he felt a bit more collected, he turned and headed for his car. He sat in it for a while, thinking that, if he could talk to Gary now, he'd tell him that he too would kill for a drink right now. That, at least, he wasn't alone.

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	4. Chapter 4

Gary lay awake on a bundle of sweaty bedsheets, wrapped in every blanket he could find, shivering and whimpering, unable to stop. He could feel every inch of his body in a spasm, and every vein screaming for something he couldn't give. It had been going on all night, the pain, the jitters, and although he had been expecting it to happen, that didn't make it one bit easier. He shut his eyes and curled himself into a ball, trying to steady his breathing, but failing miserably.

If he had to be honest, his first night there and most of the day after hadn't been too bad. After his doctor's appointment the night before, he was taken to his room and he had been so tired he just collapsed in bed. The next morning he had met with who'd become his counselor for their first private session. The questions he was asked were very routine, and although the man had tried to engage Gary a bit more, he couldn't be bothered to sit still. He kept ignoring his questions and standing up, grabbing random books from his shelves and pretending to be interested in them. After the third time he repeated that he had always wanted to read Foster Wallace, the counselor took a hint and realized he wasn't going to get much more out of him then, so he sent Gary on his way.

Group wasn't as easy to navigate, however. Walking into a room full of people who were actually expecting for him to express his innermost feelings really wasn't his idea of a good time. He walked in hoping, for the first time in his life, to go unnoticed. Alas, he was the new guy, and new guys had to introduce themselves, of course.

"All right, everyone." Began the person who seemed to be leading that whole charade. "We have someone new here today." Gary could feel all the blood in his body rush to his face. "I think I'd be great if you could introduce yourself to the group." She smiled to him, and there was a moment of silence in which Gary considered his options. He _could_ jump out that window, but then again they were on the second floor...

Finally, he sat up straight and he spoke. "Hey, I'm Gary. King." He said, almost stuttering. He tried again. "My name's Gary King."

Every person in the room greeted him with some kind of variant of 'Hello' or 'Hi, Gary.' For some reason he always thought that was deeply disturbing.

"Welcome, Gary." Continued the woman that had spoken earlier. "Can you tell us why you are here today?"

Jesus. He hated this part, he really, really did. Why was this even a thing? He already felt like crap, he was in rehab for God's sakes. Why was he expected to humiliate himself even further? 'Get it over with,' he thought 'get it the fuck over with and move on.' He tried to smile back at her but wasn't sure if he managed to. "I'm here cause I'm… an addict and an alcoholic." He could feel the blood that had gathered to his face, suddenly rush somewhere else –he wasn't really sure where, he felt a little like it had just left his body.

For some reason, when he was finished, the entire room began to clap. He didn't think he had ever felt so embarrassed, and he had done some really stupid shit in his life. God, he was gonna puke.

Fortunately, they didn't bother him much after that; some people spoke, there were a couple of tears, but Gary wasn't really paying attention. As soon as they were done, he managed to sneak back into his room and stay there until dinner time.

And that's where it started to get really rough.

He had been lying in bed for a while; he had brought some music in Andy's iPod and was just beginning to doze off to it, when someone barged into the room.

"Hey man, they said I should let you know it's dinner time."

Gary raised an eyebrow. The man standing in front of him certainly didn't look like one of the doctors or the therapists, so he must have been a patient as well. Gary was most confused about what he was doing in there; he was pretty certain he had never laid eyes on him before. The man kept smiling cheerfully, waiting for Gary's reply.

"Oh. All right."

He stood up lazily and looked back at the guy, who was still standing by the door. He crossed his arms over his chest, and leaned on the doorframe, as if he was waiting for him. Well, he was definitely creeping him out.

"Who are you then?"

"Oh I…" he seemed a bit taken aback "I'm your roommate. I was asleep last night when you arrived, and I guess I was already gone when you woke up today... I was also in group today."

Gary looked to his left and realized that there were, indeed, two beds in the room. Go figure.

"…I'm Mike." He added, smiling. "We should get going, though, or they'll run out of all of the good stuff."

Gary wasn't really hungry, but he followed anyway. Maybe he could manage to sneak in some muffins or something into his room for later. He always got hungry right after midnight, for some reason.

This Mike person didn't seem too bad, at first at least. He could have gotten some old bloke with smelly feet and bad breath, but, as far as Gary could tell, his feet seemed all right and his breath didn't smell. Still, he could have been a snorer; Gary wouldn't know until bedtime.

"So. First day, huh?" Mike started saying, as they sat down on their table. "Well, I guess second, technically. How are you holding up?"

Oh great, a conversationalist. As if there weren't enough people trying to make him talk in there already. Gary just shrugged. "I've had better days, to be honest."

Mike chuckled. "Yeah, I feel you. I've been here about a week now, and let me tell you, it's been rough." He took a bite of whatever he was eating and continued "Is it your first time in here?"

"Yeah." That was a lie. "Well, I mean…" He stuttered a bit. Why were they even talking about this? Wasn't it enough with having to do this same thing all day long? They should have been talking about how disgusting the food was, or the music he had just been hearing, or anything else really; literally anything else would have been better. But he had already started talking, and Mike was staring at him with these huge eyes, waiting for him to continue, so he did. "I was in rehab before, but only for a couple of days." He should have just told him that it wasn't his first time, and stop there. Or, better yet, he should have told him to mind his own fucking business.

The other man just nodded. Maybe he had noticed that it was best to drop the subject now, before Gary decided to slash his jugular with his little plastic knife.

Silence between them didn't last long, though, since a second later a girl who seemed way too young to even be in there, dropped herself next to Gary's new friend.

"Hey, Mikey!" She grabbed something from his plate and simply put it in her mouth.

This appeared to be a common occurrence, since he didn't even look up, he just raised a hand and ruffled her short hair, while still munching. "Hey, kiddo." She chuckled and tried to brush it back into place with her fingers.

Still smiling, she turned to Gary. "And you are the new guy, right?"

Gary, who was not in such a cheerful mood by then, rolled his eyes at her and stabbed his food. "Why? What do you wanna know? Maybe what's my go-to drug, or, or maybe if mummy and daddy loved me enough." He almost cringed at his own words. God, was sick of this already. "What is it with you people and constantly wanting to discuss these things?"

As if to irritate Gary even further, she chuckled again and raised her hands defensively. "Whoa, chill out there mate, I was just saying hello." An instant later she had lowered her hands and was leaning across the table, whispering. "Although, if you could let me in in that go-to drug thing, that'd be great. I have a bet with Doug over there." She pointed to a table across the room, where a man who seemed to be older than time itself, raised a wrinkly hand and waved at them. "He thinks it's smack, but I'm thinking booze." She sat back and crossed her arms, shaking her head. "Stupid idiot, he always says smack and he's never right." She stood up and raised her voice so he could hear her across the room "Just cause you love it doesn't mean everyone does, Doug you dumb fuck!" He shouted back something that sounded a lot like 'then they're wrong!' and the girl sat down with a laugh.

Gary just sat there motionless, trying to process what had just happened. These people where insane, just completely out of their minds. Fuck, there it was again, that sick feeling this place, these people gave him. He honestly felt like he would vomit any minute now and... 'Oh.' He suddenly realized what was really going on. 'Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no, it's too soon! It's too soon, fuck!' He looked down at his hands and watched them shake, albeit almost imperceptibly. 'Fuck, fuck, fuck!'

"Come on, Becky, leave Gary alone. If he doesn't wanna say, he shouldn't..." Mike cut himself mid sentence. Gary looked up and realized he was staring. He had obviously noticed something was wrong, so he immediately hid his hands under the table. "Are you ok there, man?"

"Fine." His voice came out a little higher than he had intended. He coughed. "I'm fine. I'm… probably just tired, that's all. I think I may be heading to bed early tonight." He smiled the most unconvincing smile he had ever produced and shot up from his sit and towards his room, leaving the other two staring at him as he walked away.

Becky grabbed the tray Gary had left almost intact, and pulled it towards her. She grabbed a spoon and began eating his abandoned jello. "Definitely booze." Mike just nodded.

He sat up and grabbed his knees. He thought about calling a doctor again, but he had already taken all the meds he was supposed to take, and then some they gave him just 'cause he wouldn't shut up about needing something stronger. He buried his head in his knees, trying to muffle the sobs he couldn't contain, rocking back and forth and praying to be able to throw up again, so at least the nausea would go away for a bit.

"Gary, mate" the lump lying on the bed besides him said in a hearse voice. "You need to settle down a bit, all right? It's four am."

Gary tried to tell him to go fuck himself, but the only thing he could manage right then was a loud whimper and a very bad thrown bottle of water, originally aimed at his head but that only hit the side of the bed. "Fuck you, man! I'm sick!"

Mike sat up and ran a hand through his messy hair. "Yeah, I get that, and I know it sucks, believe me. But the doctor has already said there's nothing else he can give you, that you'll just have to ride this out. I don't know, go take a shower or something."

"You go take a fucking shower!" Gary untangled himself from countless covers and sheets and stood up. He headed for the drawers and began to take his stuff out.

"The fuck are you doing, man?" Mike got out of bed also, as soon as he realized what Gary was trying to do.

"I'm outta here." He grabbed his empty bags from under the bed, and started stuffing them with balled-up clothes, as fast as he could go.

"The fuck you are!" Mike turned Gary right around and pushed him off balance. Gary suddenly found himself sitting on his bed, confusedly staring up at his very angry roommate. "You need to sit and calm down, all right?"

Gary stood right back up, and tried to push Mike back, but the man was much taller than him, and Gary was too sick to even be standing up. "Leave me alone! Why do you even care? Get off me!" Mike had grabbed him by the shoulders and wouldn't let him walk away or even move.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry mate but I can't let you go. I promise you'll be fine, but you have to stay here."

Gary kept trying to free himself, but simply wasn't strong enough. "I can't, I can't stay here anymore! I need something, all right? Meds are doing nothing!"

"I get it, I know." Mike slowly sat him back down into the bed, and sat besides him with an arm around his shoulders. Gary said nothing else; he just sat there, defeated, weeping softly for a minute.

"If you promise you won't do anything silly, I'll go find a doctor. They never give you the good stuff unless you are at least as bad as this." He shrugged. "Besides, I think there's lot of left over jello in the kitchen. I can bring you some if you want; there's never anyone there at this hour." He smiled and pated Gary's shoulder as he stood up. "Do you promise you'll stay here then?"

Gary hesitated for a second, but then nodded. He bit his lower lip and brought all the covers over himself again.

"Great. I'll leave someone at the door just in case, so don't try anything funny, all right?" Gary just nodded again. He walked over to the door, but turned around before leaving. "What flavor jello do you want?"

"I…" he wasn't in an eating mood at all, but he still answered. "Blueberry?"

"Coming right up!" And with that, Mike disappeared through the door.

Gary lay back down on the bed and groaned, covering even his head with the covers as he did so. And he waited.


	5. Chapter 5

Gary waited for a couple of minutes after Mike left, and lowered the covers. He knew he had promised he'd stay in the room, but if the guy was so stupid as to actually believe him, well, he deserved to be lied to then.

Ignoring his severe desire to throw up the best he could, he sat up on the bed and tried to listen for any signs of movement out there, but heard nothing at all. If he had really left no one at the door, then Gary could simply walk away. It was the middle of the night, virtually no one else was there to stop him. Someone at the front door would probably just want his signature on some paperwork and he'd be free, he'd be free and he'd be able stop the pain.

He chuckled nervously at the thought, and ran a hand through the mess that was his hair. Still smirking, he stood up and rushed to his bags. With shaky hands, he swiftly grabbed the clothes that had fallen on the floor and began stuffing them in again.

Suddenly he heard his own voice inside his head, all but a whisper but still very clear:

'Gary, are you actually going to do this? Again?'

He immediately stopped what he was doing. Fuck. Obliviously, he clutched the indiscernible piece of clothing in his hand and bit his lower lip hard. Fuck. Fuck him for having grown a conscience out of the fucking blue in that precise moment. Or fuck it for haven gotten sober right along with him.

With a heavy sigh he closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around himself. He couldn't leave, he couldn't… But he wanted it so bad, he needed to stop feeling like this, he needed… He threw the shirt across the room with a loud swear and hid his face in his palms. He stood like that for a minute, and finally lowered his hands. He stared at the closed door before him. He had to know, he simply had to.

Not even fully aware of what he was doing, he found himself rushing towards the door. Swiftly, before he could even think of changing his mind, his hand grabbed the knob and turned it. Or tried to.

When he heard a loud 'Hey!' from the other side, he let go of it, and jumped backwards. Oh. So he _had_ left someone guarding the door. Lovely.

The door clicked open, and a very frowny Becky shot in.

"Where on earth do you think you are going?"

Gary's eyes went wide at the sight of her. She had crossed her arms over her chest and was staring at him as if she was actually expecting an honest answer. Holy shit, had he really fallen so low? Did he truly have to explain himself to this freckled-cheeked child now?

"Hey, calm down Hermione, I was just checking if Mike was coming back or what." She seemed honestly taken aback, and Gary gave himself an inner high five of sorts for managing that. "Besides, you are not supposed to even be in here, these are the guys' dorms." He smirked.

Becky huffed a laugh. "What are you, twelve?" She closed the door behind her and pointed to Gary's half-packed bags. "And don't even try to lie to me, all right? That doesn't look like you were 'just checking.'"

Realizing it was hopeless, Gary gave up on lying. "Fuck off! I'll do whatever I please; I don't have to answer to you!" He swallowed hard. Fuck, everything was blurry. "And it's not like you could stop me anyway. I have like a head on you." He really didn't want to have to get physical with her, but if she had to be locked in the bathroom for him to get his way, then that was exactly what was going to happen.

"I'm not here to fight you, you knobhead." Her stance changed a bit. "I'm here..." She stopped and sighed. "Mike did the same thing for me when I first came here. I tried to leave too, all right?" She shrugged and looked away for a second. Then her eyes met Gary's again. "He saw me wandering the halls and… he didn't even have to touch me, he just sat me down and we talked. Of course he's much better than me at this; he's been in rehab like a thousand times…"

Gary's huff cut her mid-sentence. "So you are here to talk to me?"

She obviously didn't expect that. She looked positively hurt, and, for the smallest bit, she couldn't seem to find the right words. "I'm here 'cause you're obviously freaking out, and I thought that maybe you needed someone to tell you that it was gonna be all right, yeah?" Gary noticed her eyes watering. Fuck. "I thought I could help!"

Oh, Jesus, no. He couldn't handle this right now. "Stop, stop, stop. Don't cry, all right? I honestly won't be able to deal with it. I mean, I'm sorry that you feel that way and all, but I kinda have my own problems at the moment."

"Don't be like that! I just wanted to help you out, mate!" She kept running the back of her hands on her cheeks to dry the tears.

He threw his arms open and gave a forced smile. "I just don't think you are understanding how sick I feel right now. If you keep this up, I promise you, I will throw up on your slippers."

At that exact same moment, the door barged open and Mike walked in, bearing at least five cups full of jelly. "Oh, hey Becky." He handed her one of the cups. "How are things?"

She beamed at him and began digging into her cup with a spoon that looked a bit too big for her mouth. "Oh, it's all all right." She swallowed. "He was being kinda difficult, so I had to improvise a bit. Worked pretty well, though." She dedicated Gary a little smile.

Gary felt like he had just been punched in the face. Oh. She'd been playing him? That whole scene was just a fucking act? He stood there with his mouth half open and his eyes like plates, quite literally speechless.

Mike walked over to him and put one of the cups on his hand. "Don't sweat it mate, she's kinda good; that's the whole reason why I brought her here." Gary tried to argue, but Mike wouldn't even let him begin. "The doctor will be here in a minute. I convinced him to bring the good stuff. So now be nice and patient and wait a bit longer, all right?"

Gary stared at him for a second, trying to calculate his chances of punching him on the nose and getting away with it. He finally decided against it, and plonked himself down on the bed with a sigh. "I hate you both so much."

Becky chuckled under her breath. "Give it a day or two. A week at most. You'll change your mind." She winked at him and he had to make use of all his strength and willpower to stop himself from getting up and straight up strangling her.


	6. Chapter 6

He was actually dreading the coming of the weekend. At first he had thought it wouldn't get there soon enough, but as his head began clearing up, and as he began feeling all those things he had been trying so desperately hard not to, he realized he was no even close to being ready to face Andy; not now, not sober.

This was exactly the way had been -quite literally- dying not to feel; every inch of his skin was raw, exposed. His mind was screaming at him, sputtering insults with every thought, letting him know exactly how worthless, how guilty and ashamed he should be. And he was. He felt vulnerable, fragile even, like made of something very thin, very weak. It was just venomous, and it was eating him up from the inside out. All these emotions had come rushing so suddenly, like a storm rising inside him.

He thought he may be, but was not prepared, not at all; he didn't have what he needed to shut it down. He hated himself. Every last bit of his being. He hadn't been there a week. He hadn't been sober a week and he was already desperate to crawl out of his own skin.

But the weekend came anyway, obviously not giving a single fuck to how hard he had wished for it not to -probably due to the fact that it was not an actual living being, but an abstract concept-, and he found himself still there, still alive. However miserable. So he showered and he got dressed -hid his wrists-, and he walked by the mirror without giving in to the urge to punch it to smithereens, and he sat as far away from the front door as he could while still not losing sight of it. And he took out his cigs, and waited.

The drive there seemed much longer than the last time. It was quieter, for starters. Even if Gary hadn't talked much the previous time, it felt very different to just have him there, making jokes, trying to look collected. Failing miserably at it, of course, but it was still better than nothing. Now Andy felt just so alone with only his thoughts to keep him company. He wasn't even sure what he felt so anxious about; Gary was already in there, right? And, most importantly, he had stayed. An entire fucking week. He almost couldn't believe it. True, he had gotten some somehow discouraging late phone calls during that week, but he wouldn't have expected anything less from him; it was just Gary being Gary, kicking and screaming and begging Andy to come get him, to stop fucking around, to get him something, please, to help him, just help him, Andy, please, please. And every time Andy would sit up on his bed, take a deep breath and explain very calmly and very patiently that no, he wouldn't be sneaking anything in for him on the weekend, and that no, he wasn't going to pick him up and bring him home with him because it was the middle of the night and because he needed to stay in there for a little bit longer, and that they would see each other very soon anyway. All of this was often met with the most creative string of insults Andy had ever heard in his life, to which, gathering all the patience he could find within himself, he replied that Gary could complain all he wanted, but that that he wasn't going to change Andy's mind. And, of course, that he was still unbelievably proud of him. That usually shut him up. Well, after one last 'you fucking wanker!' of sorts. Then he heard the phone click on his ear and he knew it was over. For the night at least.

But Andy had successfully navigated through that week somehow, and he was now parked at the exact same spot as a week before, and he wasn't sure of what to do. Sure, he should get out of the car, walk through the door, and sit with Gary for a little bit. Maybe talk. Yeah, that was what he was supposed to do right? Only, it didn't feel right at all. It was all very nice, Gary being in rehab and all. But Andy didn't really believe it would last, not… not really. He had lost so much; he just couldn't lose Gary again. He was so scared.

Maybe he was just scared.

It didn't actually matter.

Right now, he needed to get in there and do what he was supposed to do. Even if it didn't last, right now Gary needed him. Never mind that he had no clue what to say, he'd figure it out as he went.

Gary did try not to jump to his feet as soon as he saw an Andy-shaped-being walk through the door, he just didn't try hard enough. Hoping for his life that Andy hadn't noticed, Gary took his sweet time putting his cigarette out and throwing it away, before walking towards him as if he hadn't just sprung off his seat at the speed of fucking light.

"They let you smoke in here?"

"Not really, but" Gary shrugged with a smile "as long as they don't catch you."

It looked as if Andy was using all the strength he could gather not to push it any further. Gary felt a tinge of shame –his favorite perk of sobriety- when he noticed the look on his face. Not half a minute had passed since Andy had arrived and Gary was already being disappointing. Way to go. Fuck.

"Still breaking rules, then?"

Gary looked up, noticing right then that he had been staring at the ground. He felt his heart race.

"I'm trying!" _No, please, don't let my voice break. _

Well, at least Andy had not been expecting that. He seemed so taken aback he didn't reply at all. He did, however, open his mouth once as if to say something, but closed it again and remained silent. What had he been expecting though? An excuse, probably. Something vaguely dismissing. But Gary wasn't drunk, and he wasn't high, and he wasn't trying to fool Andy and himself into his games anymore.

"Sorry." Andy shook his head. "Sorry, mate, you're right."

Good thing Gary was already expecting this to be awkward, no surprises there.

"Maybe we should sit." Andy gestured to an empty table close by, drawing a little smile. Gary just shrugged and followed Andy's lead without a word.

Once they had sat down, however, Gary wasn't feeling as bothered anymore. He'd missed Andy more than he would ever dare to admit, and well… he_ had _been breaking rules. Andy was just probably worried, he guessed.

"How are you feeling, then?"

Gary huffed.

"You'd know. I've been calling you every night since I've gotten here." He crossed his arms over his chest. "This sucks. I'm fucking miserable."

The corner of Andy's mouth twitched involuntarily. "You're still here, though."

"Yeah, well." Gary shrugged and shook his head a bit theatrically. "I'm used to being miserable."

Andy knew that was not supposed to be funny, not in the slightest, but for some reason his lips curved into a smile and he couldn't hold it in; suddenly he was chuckling and he couldn't contain it, try as he may. He laid his head on his hand and rubbed his eyebrow. "Jesus Christ, Gary."

"Oh, so this is what we are doing now, we are laughing at my pain. Wonderful." But he wasn't able to hide his smile either, even biting his lower lip as he was.

Andy sat up straight again, pursing his lips into a tight line. "You'll be all right, mate. You got this."

Gary's smile faded a bit. He looked down for an instant and then back at Andy.

"You don't know that."

"Of course I do." It didn't matter if he was lying through his teeth, it really, really didn't. He couldn't be scared right now, Gary was probably scared enough for the both of them already. He needed to be the strong one, and he was going to. "You're Gary King, yeah? Whenever have you not been able to do something you've set your mind to?" Andy could see Gary mouthing 'fucking liar' but he could also see his smile threatening to appear again. "Remember that time you got Erika to make out with you at the Christmas party? She was so mad at you 'cause you had set her dog's tail on fire, but somehow you still got home with her bra in your pocket that night."

And just like that they were laughing. Gary was laughing.

"Oh, shit! Yes, fuck, it was pink! It was a pink lacy bra… Jesus, I was so proud of that."

"Or that time you were gonna fail History and you convinced Mr. Brown that it was cause English was not your first language and that you were actually from Spain?" Gary immediately covered his mouth with both his hands and was trying not to burst out laughing. "How, mate? How did you even do that? You don't speak a word of Spanish!"

"Well, neither did he!" He shook his head at the thought. "But" he raised a finger "I did end up failing, though."

"Yeah, when they found out."

"Right. Oh man, I was suspended for so long…"

Andy smiled, slightly, his eyebrows raising. "See? You've done so much amazing stuff I couldn't even name everything if I sat here all day talking about it."

Gary fell silent all of the sudden. He shook his head. "Yeah, but making out with a girl, messing with a teacher, it's just... it's different. This is different."

"Doesn't mean you can't figure it out. You will." The corner of his mouth curved into a smile. "Hell, you are already pretty much kicking ass."

Gary scrunched up his face in confusion. "How does one even kick ass in rehab? That's not actually a thing, mate."

"No, but it is! It is. Ok, listen to me." Andy leaned over the table and raised his index finger, as if he were counting. "Have you not gotten up every morning at fucking dawn" it was probably closer to nine-ish, he thought, but continued "and gotten yourself down to every single one of the group meetings and sat through them without punching anyone in the face?"

Gary's eyebrows were still scrunched. "Yeah, I guess. I almost did punch someone once, though…"

Andy ignored him and went on, raising another finger. "Have you not endured days of withdrawals, shaking and sweating and throwing up and wishing you could make it stop somehow? Knowing just what you could do to stop it, and still choosing to stay here? Have you not?"

Gary opened his mouth, yet nothing came out. He tried again. "Yes, I... yeah, but..."

Andy raised a third finger "Have you not gone to individual sessions and talked about stuff you would much rather have forgotten about, even if it was by means of a bullet through your skull?" He didn't wait for an answer this time, he just raised the next finger. "Have you not wanted to put a bullet through your skull? Constantly? Have you not stared at your wrists and ignored the urge, the need to…" His voice was about to crack. He couldn't let it. "…to try that again?"

Gary had fell silent and was looking down. Andy ignored the tears he could clearly see forming in his eyes. He also ignored his own.

"Have you not done all these things?" He raised his eyebrows and crooked his head to the side. "Sober?"

Gary's face distorted by emotion and suddenly became streaked with tears. Andy got up from his seat and rushed over to him, holding him to his chest as he shook.

"It's so fucking hard!"

"But you're doing it, you're doing it."

Neither could talk anymore after that. They stayed like that for a while, in silence, until Gary was able to calm down a bit, and even then Andy wouldn't let go. He was there, Gary was there, wasn't he? Jesus, thank God…

Finally Andy crouched by Gary's seat and dedicated him a smile. "Now, what was that about not kicking ass?"

Gary had to smile. What a fucking idiot, for God's sake. He shook his head and huffed. "Andrew, you fucking dick."


End file.
